one of 'those' people

Today I experienced a small victory on my journey to becoming a healthier, more fit me.  In the past, after finishing a race, my after-race recovery has turned into an extended break from exercise period.  It's pretty much a repeated cycle, train for a race, take a 'break' (which inevitably turns into months of no exercise and bad eating), and then decide I need some sort of motivation to exercise so I register for another race and force myself to start training.  But this time has been different...lately I've been feeling convicted on a spiritual level about how poorly I treat my body.  I have very poor eating habits and struggle to make exercise a part of my daily/weekly routine. So I have been praying that the Lord would change my heart towards food and exercise and help me make lasting lifestyle changes.  When I came home from Boston, I took a week off from running and last week jumped right back into my running routine and went running 3 days last week!! Baby steps :)  So I woke up today (my first day off this week), fixed some breakfast, caught up a little on my dvr, and then laced up my running shoes and was out the door.  About halfway through my run, I realized that today I was one of 'those' people today-the people that enjoy exercising and don't let a little rain get in the way of their routine.  This was a small step and yet a huge victory for me!!  In the past I would have used every excuse in the book to avoid exercise, especially rain, but today the thought never crossed my mind.  The war is far from over, but I am so thankful for winning today's battle :)   

                                                                                                                                  

On my way!! (africa part 2)

So with all my support raised, my bags packed and being sufficiently immunized, I loaded up my car and headed to Greensboro to spend the night with my sister and her family and to get in some extra snuggles with my new niece :). It still amazes me how much peace the Lord gave me about this whole process and I think I was only nervous for a couple of hours before meeting everyone at the airport.  I had emailed and talked with Anna's dad a couple of times but hadn't met him or the other ladies going with us, and ironically enough this was what I was most nervous about.  Would we get along, have things in common, be hard to travel with??  So as I was standing in the airport waiting, this sweet gal came around the corner and said, "Are you Susannah?"  When I said yes, she gave me a huge hug and said, "I am sooo excited to meet you and to go to Africa!!!" in the sweetest southern accent and all my worries and nerves were gone!!  This was Shelly, a sweet lady who is a veterinarian and also went to the same high school I did, just a few years before me: small world!!  Next I met Anna's parents, Bonnie and Ivan, 2 of the kindest, most genuine people.  Their love for Jesus and for people just emanates from them. And lastly I met Andrea, a very intuitive and sensitive woman who was going on her first mission trip ever at over 50 yrs of age. Our little team of 4 (Anna's mom stayed behind) left from Greensboro, had a short layover in Newark and then were on our way across the Atlantic!!

I just might be crazy...

For the most part I would consider myself a very confident and independent person and if anything I tend to swing toward the exact opposite of people pleasing: doing what I do because I want or like something and really not caring what other people think about me or whether they like me or not.  And as good as this can be in some situations, I am learning to find a healthy balance of confidence and independence with being sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others.  I say all of this because even though I may come across this way, for as long as I can remember I have struggled with weight, food and exercise.  I go through phases where I am very dedicated and exercise faithfully for a few months but I seriously struggle to incorporate this into my everyday life.  The last year and a half have been the hardest months of my life emotionally and just like other times in my life I have used food as a means of comfort and escape.  At the beginning of 2011 I decided not to make resolutions but rather to pray that the Lord would help me to make real and lasting change in my life.

Knowing that I needed something to really challenge me but also keep me motivated and have noticable results within a semi-short period of time, I decided on Insanity with Shaun T.  It is the absolute hardest and most physically demanding workout I have ever done in my life.  It is a 60 day program with 6 workouts a week and a rest on Sunday.  I was really hoping I would be able to do it 6 days a week but with my work schedule it is impossible to do this level of workout on the days I work.  So I will be working out every day that I don't work and use my work days as my rest days.  After completing the first week of the workout rotations I can already tell a difference in my energy level and my endurance in the workouts so I am excited about what is to come!!  I would welcome any and all encouragement and accountability..so if you see me or are thinking about me and want to drop me an email or text please ask me about whether I am staying committed and how things are going :)    And in case you are wondering the reason it is called Insanity is because it is!!!!! Beachbody.com/Insanity-Workouts

                                                                                                       

the back story (africa part 1)

I had been on several mission trips and had wonderful experiences and really saw the Lord moving and working but I always had Africa in the back of my mind.  Several friends who had been there joked about 'getting bitten by the Africa bug' :-)  Many years ago when I was in a much different place in my relationship with the Lord and going through an extremely selfish phase, I was afraid to totally surrender to Him in fear that He would make me go to Africa and be a missionary and single for the rest of my life.  So I think in my closer, less-selfish relationship with Jesus going to Africa became a deep desire and not a scary thought. And so, 2 summers ago I had the opportunity to go to Zimbabwe with my old church to do a building project for a church there that we supported.  To say that it was a life-changing experience is an understatement.  My eyes were open to the love and power of God in a whole new way and I was 'bitten'.  God gave me a love and a heart for the African people that is sometimes hard to describe, and since that trip I have been hoping and praying that I would be able to go back. 


Fast-forward to December 2010: one Sunday night I stayed after community group to sit and talk with my friend Anna. I had been part of the group for months but this was the first time that we had just sat and talked and shared with each other.  I usually have a hard time opening up and really letting people know my heart and my struggles, to me its easier just to deal with it on my own.  But, in the last year and half I have learned that it is so much better to share your burdens and struggles with trusted friends even when it is hard.  So there I sat on Anna's couch pouring out my heart and tears and desires for marriage and children and feeling like I had nothing fun or exciting to look forward to.  Somewhere in the midst of our conversation, I mentioned Africa and wanting to go back someday and Anna said that her dad was taking a team from his church to Guinea-Bissau in a few months and I might be able to tag along.  I was definitely interested but in the back of my mind I assumed it wouldn't work out. 


In less than a week, Anna's dad contacted me and told me that there were some long-term missionary ladies that worked close by to the area that his team was going, who were always needing help, would I like to come??  I was blown away!!!  Still not seeing the Lord's hand in all of this, I called my friend Julianne who is preparing to go to Bolivia for full-time missions and she asked me "Is there any reason you wouldn't go?"  It was like a lightbulb went off in my head and I laughed out loud at myself and said no there's not!! Within a week later, my time off work was approved and I had a plane ticket with my name on it :-)  From that point on I had a supernatural peace that everything would work out.  My passport renewal went through within a week and a half and the Lord provided enough money through support raising and getting to work some overtime for me to pay for my plane ticket and all the shots I needed. 


Even as I sit here and replay all these steps in my mind, I am blown away by His love and mercy and provision!!  Jesus not only answered a prayer I hadn't even put into real thoughts or words, but He did it in a way that was way beyond "all I could ask or imagine". 
                                                                                                    

back to blogland :-)

new computer means I'm back in blogness (business :-).  some of you know that I just got back from an amazing mission trip to Africa and while I was there I was able to do something I have always struggled to do consistently and that is journaling.  so as soon as I recover from jetlag and get my photos downloaded and finish processing through everything the Lord was teaching me, I am going to start a little blog series about my trip.  so stay tuned!!

Thankful...

(I hijacked my sister's laptop so I could post :-) 


I have had so much on my heart and mind the last few weeks coming into the holiday season.  My emotions have run the gammut of complete indifference to overwhelming gratitude and thanksgiving.  It's no secret to anyone who knows me that one of the deepest desires of my heart is to be married and have children of my own.  So each holiday season that comes and goes without a spouse gets tougher.  I see the blessings of Godly spouses and sweet babies that the Lord has given to my friends and siblings and it makes me want it even more.  But at the same time, in the last year the Lord has revealed Himself to me in ways I could have never dreamed of and I know that my identity is in Him and not in my marital status.  He has been my Rock, my Redeemer, my Comforter, my Provider, and most of all I have peace in knowing that He is a promise keeping God.  Over and over in the Bible, He shows His faithfulness to His people and to the promises He has made to them.

So here I sit, in this beautiful beach house, and am overwhelmed with gratitude and thanksgiving that the God of all the universe, sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins, and blessed me with these wonderful, amazing, crazy people to love and do life with!!  It's not always easy, it can get really messy sometimes, but they are the tangible love of Christ in my life and I don't know where I would be without them!!

                                                                                                                        

laptop down :-(

After 5 yrs I think that my laptop officially bit the dust :-(  Thus why I haven't posted in awhile.  I have lots to say and even more pictures to post so hopefully I will be able to do that soon!!!  Just wanted my 2 faithful readers (lol) to know that I want to blog but haven't been able to :-)

weekend of surprises!!

This past weekend I headed to Greensboro for my sister Kaitlin's birthday celebration.  I can't believe she is 17!!!  I honestly remember when she was born and it seems like it was just yesterday!!  She has grown up into such a beautiful and special young lady and I am so excited to see what the Lord has for her future!!  We had a fun dinner at a local mexican restaurant and then headed back to Erin's house for cake and some fun with Super Mario Bros on the Wii :-)  My little nephews are obsessed with this game and are soo funny when they play.  They jump up and down trying to get their player to jump up and down and keep getting closer and closer to the tv while they play...hilarious to watch!! 

When I pulled up to the mexican restaurant I discovered that one of my favorite stores has come to NC and is at Friendly Center in G'boro.  I found this store last year when I went to Houston with my friend Amy and we were shopping at the Galleria (which is one of the largest malls in America).  It is called Charming Charlie http://www.charmingcharlie.com/ and is one of the cutest accessories stores I have ever been in.  It is very reasonably priced, the store is organized by color, so if you are looking for something specific you can go right to the color you need!!  They have EVERYTHING!!  Shoes, handbags, jewelry, hair accessories, sunglasses, and even a little bit of clothing.  I hope we get one in Raleigh soon!!!

Then to top the weekend off I made a last minute trip to Wilmington to meet up with my precious friend Julianne.  It was an amazing 24hrs of relaxation and sleep and fellowship.  I am so thankful to the Lord for bringing her into my life at just the right time.  I was feeling lonely and disconnected and she has truly been the love of Christ in my life!!  What a blessing that the Lord knew I needed and provided before I even had a chance to ask for it :-) 



Here are a few pics from the birthday party-somehow I didn't actually get a picture of the birthday girl but here are some of my sweet neices and nephews :-)

'everyday' miracles

Just when I am getting frustrated and burnt out at work with the intensity of the work pace or the politics of the management, the Lord sends me a little reminder about how precious my work really is!! 

I have had the honor and privilege to take care of some very special babies and their families over the last 5 and a half years.  This past weekend I was able to attend a reunion party for a few of these families.  To celebrate the miraculous way that God has healed these sweet ones and to cry over the ones that weren't as fortunate.  These precious babies faced incredible odds stacked against them before they were even born. Their families were thrust into a new world that involved ventilators, ECMO, and multiple surgeries before they even met their little ones.  But after weeks, and in some cases months, of the emotional roller coaster known as neonatal intensive care, they beat the odds!!  It is nothing short of a miracle that they are alive and I got to be a part of it!! 

The Lord has truly blessed me through caring for, crying with, and laughing with these families.  It is what makes the most stressful and exhausting work days worth it and what I get in return is worth more to me than the paycheck I get every 2 weeks.  I have made friends that will last a lifetime, but even more we are family!!


here are a few pics from saturday...also for more info about these precious little ones and what their families went through check out http://www.theparkerreesefoundation.com/

in Your arms...

Lately I have been struggling with discouragement, frustration and overall discontentment. I was having an especially hard time this weekend and while surfing iTunes for some new music I found the new Meredith Andrews CD so I downloaded it and the songs and lyrics have been a soothing balm to my heart and my soul. So I thought I would share with you one of the songs that has especially spoken to me. It almost feels like this song was written just for me. I pray it is just as encouraging to you!!

I'm turning the world off

Embracing the silence

Walking away from all the voices

That are screaming in my ear

I've been too caught up

I've been so stressed out

And all of the noise replaced the whisper

That used to be so clear

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

And I'm in Your arms

Where I belong

There's no other place for me

Than right where You are

Some things just don't change

When I call Your name

You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace

When I'm in Your arms

I'm letting my fears go

Giving you control

For you are the one who holds me closer

In my soul's darkest night

Everything I see

Is so temporary

So help me to run the race before me

With eternity in sight

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

And I'm in Your arms

Where I belong

There's no other place for me

Than right where You are

Some things just don't change

When I call your name

You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace

When I'm in your arms

Long time gone...

I'm sure that since it has literally been months since my last post I may have lost some of my readers :-) But for the faithful few...I am back!! I am working on updating all my blog info, etc and I promise to have a real post in the next couple of days. I have a lot on my heart and my mind that I am sorting through to share with you all. But I am renewing my efforts to get back on the blogwagon!!

Love ya'll :-)

Strawberry Pickin'

A couple of weeks ago I headed to Greensboro for the day to have lunch with Mom, Annie and Meghan, and Erin, Riley, and Mary Kenzie and to do a little strawberry pickin'. Annie's friend Michaela's family has a farm and it has somewhat become an annual tradition to go and pick strawberries there. It was so fun to go with little kids!! I think Riley ate as many strawberries as he picked :-) But the best part was after pickin' we all got ice cream from the little store they run and Mary Kenzie LOVED the ice cream!! She kept screaming until Meghan fed her more. It was the funniest thing. She would take a bite and then would squeal and scream until she got more :-) (I think she 'inherited' that from her daddy!!)

TRIing something new

It has been WAY too long since I posted...I think it had been so long that I was getting the blank page fear that I used to have in college when I wrote a paper..haha :-) I wanted it to be meaningful, so I didn't just want to post something silly.

Well this past weekend I once again strapped on my running shoes for a race, but this time it was a little different. I was part of a relay triathalon team and it was a blast!!! Several months ago some of coworkers started talking about this race and how fun it would be, etc. So a few of us decided it would be fun to form a team and that spurred a few more and we ended up with 3 relay teams and 1 individual doing the whole triathalon himself.

So on Sunday morning I got up at 4:30am and drove up to Kerr Lake with three of the other girls for the 8am race. The weather was gorgeous (a little hot at the end), everyone did great and was so supportive of each other, and my team did not come in last place!!! I have done several races and I think this one was by far my favorite. There was something about being there with so many friends who were all so supportive and encouraging of each other and having so many people standing at the finish line cheering me on. It made me miss doing team sports because of the sense of comraderie and teamwork. Our goal is to make this an annual ICN event and recruit some more teams for next year!!

Here are a few photos from race day:

Fleeting February

As usual the month of February has FLOWN by!!! I know that there are 2-3 fewer days in February than other months, but it always seems to go by ridiculously fast! And even though it is the shortest month 2 of my sisters, Erin and Annie, and my dad all have their birthdays in February. This past weekend I drove home on Sunday afternoon to have dinner with the family and celebrate all the February birthdays. The weather was cold and rainy and windy and eventually turned into snow around 8:45pm. My parents have a little sitting area in the kitchen with a television so my mom, my little sisters and I sat and watched tv and the snow coming down...it was sooo much fun :-) They ended up getting over 7inches of snow and as I drove back to Raleigh today I was once again reminded of the beauty of God's creation!!

Hurricanes and record setting

me and Karoline me and Angie

the John Deere zamboni :-)

Last Friday I was at work for my 3rd 12 hour shift in a row and I was in charge. They weren't particularly busy days but I was tired nonetheless, it is wearing to have to make so many decisions and be everyone's go-to person for that many days in a row. So in the middle of the afternoon I get yet another call from the unit secretary wanting to know where I was and if I could come up to the front desk for a minute. Hesitantly I went never knowing what sort of situation I will be walking into. Our unit services coordinator was standing there and she handed me a stack of tickets and said that our nurse manager told her to give them to me to get rid of. I looked and it was 7 tickets to see the Carolina Hurricanes and 2 tickets for the Duke women's basketball game vs. Clemson. I was in utter shock!! This was the first time in almost 5 years that being in charge had some sort of perk :-)

I gave away the basketball tickets but no one really wanted the hockey tickets so I took them. I have been wanting to go to a game for awhile but have never had the opportunity, so I sent out an email to a few friends and a group of us went. It was so much fun!! Our seats were pretty high up but we were at center ice so we could see all the action.

On another work note, yesterday I took care of the smallest baby we have ever had on our unit. It weighed in at a whopping 330grams (that's a little over 11 ounces for you non-nicu people). After seeing her and taking care of her, it makes me want to have all these pro-choice/pro-abortion people to come and look at her and see how something so small is so perfectly formed and created by our Creator!! It is nothing short of a miracle!!

Choosing Life

The past few weeks have been a bit hectic with balancing work and two weeks of training to extend my capacities in my volunteer work at the pregnancy center. I started volunteering there almost a year ago as a receptionist. It is only 4 hours a week and since I am a nurse the office staff was thrilled that when I was there I could do the urine pregnancy tests (non-medical people hate any kind of bodily fluid). In the fall the new nurse manager asked me if I would be interested in being trained to do limited OB ultrasound. I said of course!!! How exciting to be able to show these young women in crisis their baby's beating heart.

The training was 2 parts. The first part I did in December in Virginia Beach at a 2 day conference where we learned about the legal side of the ministry and what laws are in place to protect us and that we operate under for limited OB ultrasound. The second part was 6 days over a 2 week period where I actually practiced scanning on 'models' (pregnant women who volunteer to come in and be scanned so we could learn how to do it). In those 6 days I did over 60 ultrasounds of various gestational ages as well as 1 set of triplets and 2 sets of twins :-)

I am still overwhelmed at the gravity of what is at stake when clients come into the center. I have always been pro-life but after learning what is taking place in abortion clinics and the lack of ethics and even the lack of getting basic informed consent my heart is just broken. So part of why I am volunteering is so that our clients who are in crisis and are considering abortion can have all the facts about their pregnancy including seeing their baby and its heart beating. I knew the anatomical facts of development but to see a baby at 5 weeks gestation that is only 1/3 of a centimeter in size with a beating heart is absolutely AMAZING!! It is not a 'mistake' as some people like to call it, but rather it is a miracle and a life created by God. And I pray that I will be open to wherever God is leading me in this and that He will use me to bring glory to His name!!

Psalm 139:13-16
13For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

my birthday

Me and Jill at dinner

Me and Kar

Party Shoes :-)

Me and Angie


My Sweet Nephews

Me and Maegan (best friends for over 19 years!!!)

Two weeks ago I hesitantly celebrated my 29th birthday :-) And when I say hesitantly I really mean I was drug kicking and screaming into being one year older. As much as I tried to tell myself it was just another birthday, it really was hard to accept that I was one year older and still do not feel that I am any closer to what I desire so much: a husband and a family of my own. Yet at the same time it was such a wonderful celebration!!

On my actual birthday, I went out to dinner with some of my closest friends and my sister Karoline. We had a fun dinner at Outback (one of my favorite restaurants!!) and then went back to Kar's apartment for cake and presents :-) Then on Friday on my way home to Greensboro, I stopped in Durham for birthday lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and a movie with some of my favorite work girls.

On Friday night my mom cooked an amazing dinner, all my 'in town' siblings came as well as my best friend Maegan and her two little boys and her parents. She was in town from Virginia Beach which was awesome!!! It was a fun and very relaxing time at home with no where to be and nothing to do except hang out. And of course getting some kisses and cuddles from my niece and nephews were just an added bonus :-)

One of the best parts of the weekend was on Saturday afternoon when my sister Erin, her husband Michael and their little boy Riley came over after the NC State game. When they came in Michael was holding Riley and I kept wondering why he had a Carolina blue t-shirt on when they had been at a State game. But when he put Riley down I was able to read the shirt and it said "I'm a big brother". It took a few minutes but I looked at Erin and she started squealing that they had finally gotten their adoption referral after a long 20 months of waiting. And to add even more surprise the new baby is a girl!!! Another niece!!! I can't wait. She is six months old and should be here in just a couple of short months from Korea!!!

Baby Shower

me and the mommy-to-be

Last weekend I went to a baby shower for a sweet girl I work with at Duke, Courtney. This is her first baby and she is having a girl so everything was pink and flowers, adorable!!! The baby shower was a lunch party at Maggiano's at Southpointe. It has been a long time since I ate there and man had I forgotten how good the food was!! It was amazing and the service was fantastic!! There was about 10 of us and we all work together so it was fun to get together outside of work. Amanda brought the twins and our friend Sarah brought her new baby Kellen so we there was lots of oohing and aahing over the sweet little ones :-)

A Visit with the Twins

After the craziness of the holidays I was finally able to get together with Amanda and get to cuddle her sweet babies Ainsley and Carson. She packed up the babies and picked me up and we headed to the mall for a wonderful lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. After lunch we strolled around the mall and hit the sales at Gymboree and Bath and Body Works. Then we headed back to my house. It was so fun to hang out and catch up and play with the babies. I was so amazed at how good they were!! They slept all through lunch and shopping without making a peep. What a fun day off :-)

Pulling a 24

Yesterday started like most days when I have to work. Alarm clock goes off at 4:50am, I hit snooze 2-3 times and then slowly drag myself out of bed to get ready. It was a good day at work not too slow, not too crazy just a nice steady work day and I got out a few minutes early. Then I headed to Blue Heaven (aka Chapel Hill) to see my boys take on the College of Charleston Cougars. It was a great game!! We scored over 100 points, had some great shots and even the scrubs got in and scored some points. It was so fun to be back there!! I realized it has been a couple of years since I have been to a game and driving through Chapel Hill always brings back memories of living there and being in nursing school. It was a 9:00 game so I didn't get home until almost midnight (at this point I had been up for 19hrs). When I got home I saw that my roommate Stephanie was still up so I went into her room to talk to her. She told me about her bad day of getting sick at work, going to urgent care, etc and as she was talking to me her pain came back and off we headed to the ER (after running 3 red lights to get there as fast as possible:-) Luckily not much was going on there so we got in pretty quickly and there was a recliner in her curtain area I could lay in. A few tests, some pain meds, an ultrasound and 5 hours later we were headed home. When we got home I remembered why I no longer work night shift and that I am too old to stay up all night!! :-)
the boys in blue warming upTyler Hansbrough shooting free throws